relationships – Author/Journalist Jessica Samuels

Leaving a Toxic Relationship

A story by jessicasamuels25 on February 26, 2019February 26, 2019.

I was honestly in an unhealthy relationship for a year and 5 months. It wasn’t the best for me either. I won’t say names since that’s not the point of the post. I was so far gone I lost myself. I even lost friends that I’m now talking to, and it was freeing being done with it. I was constantly accused of cheating even though I wasn’t doing anything since he had trust issues. He wouldn’t let me have guy friends either claiming that all they wanted is to sleep with me. It’s horrible being called worthless, and being belittled and in some points my life was actually put in danger. My last straw? I was pushed into a wall, and if it was hard enough I would have had a concussion. It’s really bad when the cops were called since he shouted at my mom and slammed the door in her face. He wanted her to keep out when she was trying to help me. She could see him belittling me and claiming he made more money than me, and he laughed about me wanting to write full time. He even questioned why I wanted to work at home like I was planning on do it to cheat on him all the time. Hell, when I was in school I was working on an article for class, and instead of being understanding and letting me work he kept trying to accuse me of cheating on him when I was getting my school work done. It wasn’t worth the stress at all. Being in a toxic relationship is draining all over. And the person will alienate you from friends, call you names, and even get physical with you. It can hurt your self-esteem and it wasn’t the first time he did something physical but the second. The first is when he was mad at me over waking his family member up and he jerked the covers off me and even jerked me around almost yanking my arm out of my socket. And the days after that he apologizes, but I said no the second time since it can be a vicious cycle that never ends. And then I was the one blamed for something he did, and god only knows the poor girl dealing with his shit the next. And there are times when he would get in my face, and would say say something again like he was threatening me. Leaving me in tears, and I would sit there and cry my eyes out since I was so miserable. I should have ended it sooner, but I didn’t. He was also horrible afterwards too calling my work, telling my friend that I need to hurry and decide to get back together before he gets over me. He left a note on my car like a stalker. He was fucking horrible and so was his mom as well. She was justifying his horrible behavior and saying if you love someone then they deserve another chance. Right…And she used the fact that we were both drunk as an excuse. It’s not a fucking excuse. And even if I was drunk as fuck I will NEVER get physical with anyone. She then said people do stuff when they are drunk and he never hit you….He fucking pushed me. Into a fucking wall! It’s all bullshit, and I will never be abused ever. I left since it took me getting pushed into a wall to realize it wasn’t worth the bullshit. I deserve someone who will treat me better. And he was saying the next person I date will cheat on me, and that he keeps being paranoid over me cheating since he loves me that much. And that he does it because he loves me, yeah right. It was toxic, and I stayed with him because I didn’t want to find anyone else. That I was afraid, and in all honesty I shouldn’t have been. I even saw the cop I talked to last night. He was happy to see I took his advice, and that I needed someone who will lift me up. I don’t want anyone calling me worthless. I don’t want to be with someone who thinks it’s okay to go through my phone since I have to prove to him I wasn’t cheating. He said I would never amount to anything, and that I would be homeless just because I lived with my parents. In all honesty, I’m more happier now that I’ve left the relationship then I have been in a while. He was a horrible, controlling jerk, and I was better off without him. And it’s the truth since I will never lie or decieve people, and I hope to never hear from him again. The last time he emailed me he told me I was childish, and a horrible person for what I did. He was the one who did it, and I’ll never take the blame or feel bad for something he did. I’m making this as a point to say that if you are in a toxic relationship then get the fuck out and leave him. No one is worth the pain or abuse. It won’t get better unless you leave, and no he won’t change either. It was twice, and after the shit he caused I’ll never go down that road again…

If you have been in a relationship like this then what is your story?

And above all don’t let these fuckers silence you either. Speak up now since if we don’t then they are only going to get away with being horrible. Leave it.

Until next time,

Wolfdreamer25

Moving On….

A story by jessicasamuels25 on April 7, 2013.

One of the hardest lessons I have learned so far is Letting go and moving on. It is hard because someone you knew, and are close to is a stranger now instead of a friend. The guy or girl you used to date and laugh with no longer sees you as a girlfriend or boyfriend just a stranger. It hurts even more if they are married with kids, and seeing other people too. Especially if you really loved them, and wanted to be with them for the rest of your life. It hurts, and burns but you learn to let go and move on.

Talking to them makes the pain of moving on hurt worse, and especially if you still want to work things out, but they have moved on and want nothing to do with you. Then again there are more people to meet, and more places out to explore to see more people and form better friendships and relationships.

When one door closes another one opens , and for your sake never open the closed door ever. I did enough times to the point where it ended badly. It is meant to be closed for a reason. I did try to open the door, and the guy pretty much told me he does not care what he did and to stay out of his life like a jerk. If people want you in their life they will make time for you, and if not its their loss not yours because you really don’t need them in your life if they treated you like that. Moving on is not a bad thing for me at first it did hurt, but I wound up finding someone better to fill the void he left. I found someone better someone who treats me right and tells me the truth. He is himself around me, and he does not pretend to be someone else.

The reason why I am talking about this is because this is the theme of the second killer novel. Letting go and moving on , and to not let the bad past get in the way of the future. Love is stronger than revenge. I also use this story as a way of moving on which is why I need to write this story. I move on more if I write it out. It will be worth it to go through this emotional story, and I want people to learn from it too. People who find it hard to move on. That is why moving on as a theme and forgive and forget are important life lessons to learn. Moving on making room for the good things to come is important especially when it comes to relationships and friendships which is what you will see in the story.

Until next time,

Wolfdreamer25

Second Love makes you better

A story by jessicasamuels25 on February 25, 2013.

They say people never marry their high school sweethearts, and sometimes that is true some people do marry them. The majority of people don’t because let’s face it people change. I always wonder why relationships don’t work out when both parties could have worked on it, and distance does not mean anything at all when there is love. I think about this as I write one of my characters, and see everything she has been through in her eyes. Sometimes things don’t work out because one decides to give up, and honestly if it does not work out with your first love then they obviously could not handle it at all. I now know what a real relationship is like, and it means having them around enjoying their company. It means fighting is healthy, and if it does not happen then something is wrong. It means working out no matter what, and no giving up when the relationship gets rough. Relationships are hard sometimes, and you have to have compromise in them. Relationships involve trust and telling the truth even when it hurts. It is like that with friends too, and it means communication. I am really happy in the relationship I am in now since we communicate, we talk, we tell each other the truth even if it hurts. We enjoy spending time with each other, and I hate being away that is one of the key elements in the second killer novel I want to put in. People always write about first loves, but maybe they should think about it the second time around too. Each relationship prepares you for the next, and learning and loving is what life is about.

What about second love?

Until next time,

Wolfdreamer25