Leaving a Toxic Relationship

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I was honestly in an unhealthy relationship for a year and 5 months. It wasn’t the best for me either. I won’t say names since that’s not the point of the post. I was so far gone I lost myself. I even lost friends that I’m now talking to, and it was freeing being done with it. I was constantly accused of cheating even though I wasn’t doing anything since he had trust issues. He wouldn’t let me have guy friends either claiming that all they wanted is to sleep with me. It’s horrible being called worthless, and being belittled and in some points my life was actually put in danger. My last straw? I was pushed into a wall, and if it was hard enough I would have had a concussion. It’s really bad when the cops were called since he shouted at my mom and slammed the door in her face. He wanted her to keep out when she was trying to help me. She could see him belittling me and claiming he made more money than me, and he laughed about me wanting to write full time. He even questioned why I wanted to work at home like I was planning on do it to cheat on him all the time. Hell, when I was in school I was working on an article for class, and instead of being understanding and letting me work he kept trying to accuse me of cheating on him when I was getting my school work done. It wasn’t worth the stress at all. Being in a toxic relationship is draining all over. And the person will alienate you from friends, call you names, and even get physical with you. It can hurt your self-esteem and it wasn’t the first time he did something physical but the second. The first is when he was mad at me over waking his family member up and he jerked the covers off me and even jerked me around almost yanking my arm out of my socket. And the days after that he apologizes, but I said no the second time since it can be a vicious cycle that never ends. And then I was the one blamed for something he did, and god only knows the poor girl dealing with his shit the next. And there are times when he would get in my face, and would say say something again like he was threatening me. Leaving me in tears, and I would sit there and cry my eyes out since I was so miserable. I should have ended it sooner, but I didn’t. He was also horrible afterwards too calling my work, telling my friend that I need to hurry and decide to get back together before he gets over me. He left a note on my car like a stalker. He was fucking horrible and so was his mom as well. She was justifying his horrible behavior and saying if you love someone then they deserve another chance. Right…And she used the fact that we were both drunk as an excuse. It’s not a fucking excuse. And even if I was drunk as fuck I will NEVER get physical with anyone. She then said people do stuff when they are drunk and he never hit you….He fucking pushed me. Into a fucking wall! It’s all bullshit, and I will never be abused ever. I left since it took me getting pushed into a wall to realize it wasn’t worth the bullshit. I deserve someone who will treat me better. And he was saying the next person I date will cheat on me, and that he keeps being paranoid over me cheating since he loves me that much. And that he does it because he loves me, yeah right. It was toxic, and I stayed with him because I didn’t want to find anyone else. That I was afraid, and in all honesty I shouldn’t have been. I even saw the cop I talked to last night. He was happy to see I took his advice, and that I needed someone who will lift me up. I don’t want anyone calling me worthless. I don’t want to be with someone who thinks it’s okay to go through my phone since I have to prove to him I wasn’t cheating. He said I would never amount to anything, and that I would be homeless just because I lived with my parents. In all honesty, I’m more happier now that I’ve left the relationship then I have been in a while. He was a horrible, controlling jerk, and I was better off without him. And it’s the truth since I will never lie or decieve people, and I hope to never hear from him again. The last time he emailed me he told me I was childish, and a horrible person for what I did. He was the one who did it, and I’ll never take the blame or feel bad for something he did. I’m making this as a point to say that if you are in a toxic relationship then get the fuck out and leave him. No one is worth the pain or abuse. It won’t get better unless you leave, and no he won’t change either. It was twice, and after the shit he caused I’ll never go down that road again…

If you have been in a relationship like this then what is your story?

And above all don’t let these fuckers silence you either. Speak up now since if we don’t then they are only going to get away with being horrible. Leave it.

Until next time,

Wolfdreamer25

 

 

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Work, Writing, and People..

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I have had trouble with balancing everything lately. I know I have been slacking in my writing which is not good, but I have found more ideas to play with novel-wise. For instance writing a story about a girl that cannot let go of the boy she dumped. I plan on even combining a few short stories into one novel too.

Work though has been keeping me busy. I will blog more from now on, and it is important to me. I will hopefully publish the revenge anthology in a month maybe. Minus school writing will be much easier to keep up with. I said goodbye to the past, and I blocked someone from contacting me since I have other things to worry about. I use my past in my writing as a form of therapy. Retail and life in general is teaching me about people, and about personalities. That is all for now.

Until next time,

Wolfdreamer25

Turning the past into writing.

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I used to be obssessed with the past. I used to think how I could have done things differently as if I could go back in time, and change things. I thought if I change this then that would not have happened, and I would have felt this way. I wanted at one point to try to change things, but that did not work everytime I tried to something else would go wrong. I stopped thinking about getting even at certain people because it would not have changed things. I could also get in trouble, and ruining everything for revenge would not be worth it. I would loose everything friends, family, jobs, and it would not be worth the trouble. Today I thought about the past for a good reason, and it made me come up with more depth for my story. More ways to use it as a catalyst for better things. I used all the emotions from my past into fuel for writing. Writing helps you tap into using the past as a jumping off point to help your writing. All the emotions that I felt I used in my stories. I wrote characters in some of the situations I went through, and changed it. Try it though, and you will see how the past can help you with your writing. That is what being a writer is about using the past as inspiration.