Leaving a Toxic Relationship

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I was honestly in an unhealthy relationship for a year and 5 months. It wasn’t the best for me either. I won’t say names since that’s not the point of the post. I was so far gone I lost myself. I even lost friends that I’m now talking to, and it was freeing being done with it. I was constantly accused of cheating even though I wasn’t doing anything since he had trust issues. He wouldn’t let me have guy friends either claiming that all they wanted is to sleep with me. It’s horrible being called worthless, and being belittled and in some points my life was actually put in danger. My last straw? I was pushed into a wall, and if it was hard enough I would have had a concussion. It’s really bad when the cops were called since he shouted at my mom and slammed the door in her face. He wanted her to keep out when she was trying to help me. She could see him belittling me and claiming he made more money than me, and he laughed about me wanting to write full time. He even questioned why I wanted to work at home like I was planning on do it to cheat on him all the time. Hell, when I was in school I was working on an article for class, and instead of being understanding and letting me work he kept trying to accuse me of cheating on him when I was getting my school work done. It wasn’t worth the stress at all. Being in a toxic relationship is draining all over. And the person will alienate you from friends, call you names, and even get physical with you. It can hurt your self-esteem and it wasn’t the first time he did something physical but the second. The first is when he was mad at me over waking his family member up and he jerked the covers off me and even jerked me around almost yanking my arm out of my socket. And the days after that he apologizes, but I said no the second time since it can be a vicious cycle that never ends. And then I was the one blamed for something he did, and god only knows the poor girl dealing with his shit the next. And there are times when he would get in my face, and would say say something again like he was threatening me. Leaving me in tears, and I would sit there and cry my eyes out since I was so miserable. I should have ended it sooner, but I didn’t. He was also horrible afterwards too calling my work, telling my friend that I need to hurry and decide to get back together before he gets over me. He left a note on my car like a stalker. He was fucking horrible and so was his mom as well. She was justifying his horrible behavior and saying if you love someone then they deserve another chance. Right…And she used the fact that we were both drunk as an excuse. It’s not a fucking excuse. And even if I was drunk as fuck I will NEVER get physical with anyone. She then said people do stuff when they are drunk and he never hit you….He fucking pushed me. Into a fucking wall! It’s all bullshit, and I will never be abused ever. I left since it took me getting pushed into a wall to realize it wasn’t worth the bullshit. I deserve someone who will treat me better. And he was saying the next person I date will cheat on me, and that he keeps being paranoid over me cheating since he loves me that much. And that he does it because he loves me, yeah right. It was toxic, and I stayed with him because I didn’t want to find anyone else. That I was afraid, and in all honesty I shouldn’t have been. I even saw the cop I talked to last night. He was happy to see I took his advice, and that I needed someone who will lift me up. I don’t want anyone calling me worthless. I don’t want to be with someone who thinks it’s okay to go through my phone since I have to prove to him I wasn’t cheating. He said I would never amount to anything, and that I would be homeless just because I lived with my parents. In all honesty, I’m more happier now that I’ve left the relationship then I have been in a while. He was a horrible, controlling jerk, and I was better off without him. And it’s the truth since I will never lie or decieve people, and I hope to never hear from him again. The last time he emailed me he told me I was childish, and a horrible person for what I did. He was the one who did it, and I’ll never take the blame or feel bad for something he did. I’m making this as a point to say that if you are in a toxic relationship then get the fuck out and leave him. No one is worth the pain or abuse. It won’t get better unless you leave, and no he won’t change either. It was twice, and after the shit he caused I’ll never go down that road again…

If you have been in a relationship like this then what is your story?

And above all don’t let these fuckers silence you either. Speak up now since if we don’t then they are only going to get away with being horrible. Leave it.

Until next time,

Wolfdreamer25

 

 

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Stop letting negativity and fear hurt your writing:

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I used to let things get to me easily thanks to being bullied in elementary, high school, and middle school. I used to spend days filled with hate, anger, and wanting revenge towards those who bullied me. The day I found writing is the day it all stopped being bad, and my perspective on life changed. I wasted my life some thinking about the bullies instead of finding ways to help people like me. Writing allows me to reach out to people like me, and show them that they should not waste time with childish people. Writing is a refuge I use to make things better, and it made me have the power to take things into my own hands. It allows me to create worlds where extraordinary things happen, and where fantastical creatures exist. It helped me get over the negativity of my past by allowing me to use writing as a therapy. I wrote down the negative situations, and changed them to a better outcome. I follow authors on twitter, and it amazes me how they cope with negativity. I hope to be like them someday.
Another situation this time dealing with fear is I used to let the fear of people judging my work get in the way as well when I first started. I was afraid they would not like it, and that they would say mean things about it. I dealt with that by getting together emails of those close to me, and sending it to them. It worked so much that the fear is gone some. I know that people there will not like my work totally, but I think in order to be a writer you have to get over it. You have to not let it get in the way of writing.
The root of fear and negativity sometimes is success. The negative people who throw negativity at your work are probably jealous that they cannot make works of art like that. The reason why we fear something might be because we focus on that to have a reason to stop taking risks. I hope you liked reading this as much as I loved writing it. Go after your dreams and try not to let fear and negativity get in the way. Believe me if I can do it so can you.

Until Next time,

Wolfdreamer25

This Crazy Summer…

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It has been a while since I have updated my blog, and there is not any major news yet. I’m still working on various projects, and the first Scarlet book is actually in the middle of the first draft. The second book I’m 8 chapters in for that draft, and I’m working on the second retail novel. It’s been a long summer due to working and writing. Things are pretty much normal now since I’ve been slowly getting my life back together, and I start school this month which means things will be the busy chaos I love. I miss school since it kept me busy throw in work and writing and I always had something to do. I have been reading more ebooks and books, and working on writing exercises. It is hard to come up with 1,000 words based on images. I can do it though, and I have learned more lessons this summer then I have any other since I’ve gained more then I’ve lost. It was a wild ride too, and I have talked to more people then ever. I love hearing their stories, and their pasts. Everyone has one, and it makes them who they are. People are interesting to me, and I enjoy life now that I’m not miserable. I will update this more as I go along because once my writing picks up more, and I am able to publish more books I will definitely have more to talk about. Right now its all about taking notes, and writing while waiting for VCU to start.

Until next time,

Wolfdreamer25

Work, Writing, and People..

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I have had trouble with balancing everything lately. I know I have been slacking in my writing which is not good, but I have found more ideas to play with novel-wise. For instance writing a story about a girl that cannot let go of the boy she dumped. I plan on even combining a few short stories into one novel too.

Work though has been keeping me busy. I will blog more from now on, and it is important to me. I will hopefully publish the revenge anthology in a month maybe. Minus school writing will be much easier to keep up with. I said goodbye to the past, and I blocked someone from contacting me since I have other things to worry about. I use my past in my writing as a form of therapy. Retail and life in general is teaching me about people, and about personalities. That is all for now.

Until next time,

Wolfdreamer25